A Necromancer's Nightmare
by YozuLuv
Summary: What happens when you combine Naruto, Yaoi, Breaking the 4th wall,and Murder? You get this, created by you one an only Yozuik! Based on my 'awesome/insane" Personality! Enjoy! WARNING: YAOI DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YAOIII IN THIS FANFICTION!
1. Chapter 1

It was a dark and stormy night………Why do all murder mysteries start with "It was a dark and stormy night."? That's bullshit, not all murder days are dark and stormy!?! Murders happen everyday, and everyday isn't dark and stormy! Fuck that shit, this day wasn't dark and stormy! It was fucking sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything was going fine until that old woman Tsunade called me and Sasuke for some stupid special mission! Now normally, I loved missions, especially the special ones that have been assigned to me personally but the after effect of this mission, PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. Basically this entire story will be told in the Traditional Naruto way….In flashback…-___-.

I know what you're thinking, "Nooo, not another flashback!" Trust me, this Naruto fan fiction won't be like one you've read before! Why? Because Yozuik wrote this one that's why!!!! Now like I said, this all happen because Tsunade called us into her office for an awesome mission that will soon be the downfall of all the manliness that I had in me….if I had any to begin with.

(___This is supposed to be a Transition__)

"Finally, a mission worth my awesomeness," I squealed like a freaking fan girl, as that basturd Sasuke was there rolling his eyes.

"Naruto, this isn't a ordinary mission, this is a murder case, I'm assigning you," She said in all seriousness.

"Big deal, it can't be that hard, this is just a filler episode,"

"Mind me asking why can't the medical team or other ninjas deal with this? I know we're main characters, but we're just genin, why would you assign this to us?" Sasuke asked in bluntly.

"Cause I'm awesome," I stated proudly.

"We have our hands full right now, most of ninjas are at Sand having they're annual Ninja Convention," She explained.

"We're the main characters and we weren't invited?" I asked.

"Look, it's the excuse for you guys to do this stupid mission because even though you're genin, and don't have the experience or skills to handle it, we're sending you _because_ are main characters and have zero possible chance of dying,"

"So why the hell should we do this?" Sasuke gave her a look that clearly read, WTF.

"Because it's in your contract, you have to blindly accept missions, whether or not you know how dangerous they are." Tsunade threw papers at them.

"Good enough for me, let's go" I grabbed the mission file and ran out the door grabbing Sasu-basturd along with me.

"Fucking Main characters," Tsunade murmured.

(________)

"So what do we got?" Sasuke asked peering over my shoulder. Too close.

"Oi, basturd, don't get so close to me," I warned.

"With you hogging the murder report, I have no choice, now what do we got?"

"It says the Victim's name was Kyousuke Tokiwa. He died at 3:23 pm. The main suspects we have is the wife, the brother, and….oh god, his mistress."

"Anything else?" He leaned in closer, I could feel his breath on my neck.

"Sasuke, why does you breath smell like ramen?" I sniffed.

"It doesn't," He covered his mouth.

"It does, dude, I'm the villages Ramen whore, don't you think I know ramen when I smell it?" I leaned my nose closer to his face, sniffing.

"Dammit Naruto, would you guys answer me about the report,"

I hid the file away, "Tell me about the ramen first,"

"No,"

"Then we're just gonna stand here,"

"Naruto!"

"Tell me, basturd," I said with a sly smirk on my face. _I was actually winning an argument! Holy shiz!!!_

"Alright, fine, I ate some ramen, to see what the fuck was so awesome about it," He said in almost a whisper.

"You ate ramen, cause of me?"

"No, I ate it, cause of your damn breath, you smell of it constantly,"

"You smell me?"

"You smell so bad, anyone can smell you! Learn to fucking shower. Second, I'm at ninja, I can smell you a 1 mile away,"

"Still, you're smelling me,"

"Dammit, would you just fucking read?"

"Alright, Alright, it says that the guy was a once a poor man, hooked on gambling, then he struck gold one day and became rich, bought some companies and the rest is history,"

"Then lets go to the wife first," Sasuke said walking off.

"Why her?" I asked.

"The guy has a mistress, its kinda of obvious it's the wife,"

"Oh…right….just what I was thinking,"

"Shut up and follow,"

"Yeah, Yeah,"

I followed, still happy that I won an argument. I didn't really bother much to keep up with Sasuke, I stayed behind him. I admit, of all the asses I've seen, Sasuke's was nice.

AN: Awesome!!!! I have finish the 1st chapter of this awesome crap! This story is based off of a murder mystery I wrote for school..its just…Naruto style. This is my first SASUNARU that doesn't have complete sappy romance, horror, my life is so hard please kill me crap in it. This one is just based on my wonderful and friendly personality that is me!!! So embrace the insanity and welcome to hell where the 4th wall doesn't even exist!


	2. The wife

Sasuke and I had reach the Tokiwa mansion, the place was so big that I finally had something to look at other then that basturd's ass. Alright, I will admit Sasuke is freaking sexy, I mean damn, I've come to terms with that fact that I MIGHT be possibly bisexual. I hang out with this guy more then anything else, when you spend this long with someone they kinda mean something to you. Sure I still had feelings for Sakura but Sasuke is-

"Hey, quit spacing out," He said, I snapped out of my daydreaming.

"Oh, uh, sorry,"

He murmured stupid under his breath and then we headed into the house.

(-------------)

"What the? Hold on, who are you, I didn't open the door," Our suspect stood up from her chair.

"Calm down, madam, Lady Tsunade sent us," Sasuke explained.

"So why didn't you knock on the door,?" she asked.

"Cause we don't got to," I grinned.

"Honestly kids, today, well, what do you want? I'm busy enough trying to plan my own husband's death," She asked sternly.

"We here to ask you about that actually," I said. "We're supposed to ask questions like where have you been and stuff,"

"Well, then?" With the way she was staring at me, she looked like a transvestite Iruka.

"You didn't get along with you husband right?" Sasuke helped himself to the couch. I stared at him walking to it for a moment then followed him.

"No, we didn't, we practically hated each other," The young butler came in and handed her a her some tea.

"Then why stay with him?" I asked.

"We were in an arranged marriage, my family is knowned for our tremendous awards in education. My husband was just a guy who got lucky with gambling, if he agreed to marry my family, it would raise his status in the world. I was always busy with work to care much though, I teach at the school for non-ninja children."

"I knew you were a teacher, teachers always look like they have a stick up their ass," I jumped off the couch with my awesomeness shining around me.

"Dumbass," Sasuke said.

"What?" I asked.

"So, you guys argued all the time," He turned back to her.

"Yes," She answered him.

"Hey don't ignore me!" I yelled.

"Just shut up and let me talk, Naruto,"

I sat down angrily, "Basturd,"

"I almost feel bad for arguing with him before he died," She sighed.

"What was it about this time?" Sasuke leaned in forward to listen.

"He was going to divorce me and change his will," She said. "He was going to make it so his mistress would get his money when he died."

"I see," Sasuke said in a deep voice that sent a shiver down my spine. Did I mention I love this fucking man's voice?

"We should go see her next," I said.

"Hold on, we forgot the most obvious question. Where were you at 3:23 pm?" Sasuke asked.

"I was at the school, about 20 kids can confirm it, afterwards I went to lunch with an another teacher," She said.

"Alright," Sasuke stood up to leave. "We'll call you to tell you when we verified your story,"

"So until then keep on your toes, lady,"

"You do to, you troublemaking nuisance,"

"Ooooh, nice comeback," I taunted as the woman's face went red.

"Come on, Dumbass lets go!" Sasuke grabbed my arm forcefully and dragged me out the house.

"Stupid, what the hell do you thing you're doing?" He turned and glared at me, straight into my eyes, way too close my face. I felt my face turned red and I could hardly speak.

"W-w-what are you talking about? I'm doing my damn job!" I tried to yell back.

"Well, you sucking ass trying to, just shut the hell up and I'll figure this out,"

"Hey we're supposed to be doing this together!"

"I can figure all this out myself! I hardly need you!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Why?"

"Because you have no damn choice!"

"Dammit, Naruto, why do you-"

Okay, this is exactly, what I was saying earlier about this mission having a horrible after affect. I hate obvious love scenes but I guess this is what happens in yaoi fanFiction. Damn you Fan girls, damn you Yozuik. (Yozuik: HAHA! *Points and laughs*) Oh what am I doing? Right, this mission and my Uchiha obsession. Like I said earlier, I have still of feelings for Sakura, even if she's useless till Shippuden, but he's the opposite of Sakura which was nice change. Sakura was hyper and somewhat nice, she had a level head when came to important things. Sasuke was quiet, the sort of dangerous, silent type, the type of guy who had power and new damn well how to use it. (So he gets he's ass kicked by is older brother most of the time, give him break?) He almost didn't give a damn about anyone, and worked on his own power and he's eyes were somewhat of an enigma, this is exactly why I couldn't do anything when he accidentally kissed me again.

We were blushing mad and could do nothing but stare at each other, as our lips locked, while you were reading that huge paragraph above.

He lips and mouth tasted like ramen which was a plus in my book, the blush going across his face was so adorable, I almost laughed. But I was too busy counting how many of my heartbeats that we have been stuck like this, at least 3 million.

We were separated, we couldn't speak. It took at least 4,000 heartbeats for us to calm down.

"Hey, um, it's getting late, we should interview that………person tomorrow," He finally said, hiding his face with his hair.

"Uh..yeah…I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Later then,"

"Later,"

As soon as he turned his back, I ran away as fast as I could, as I ran, I looked up at the sky. The sun was no where near setting yet.


	3. The Lawyer

Okay this is the 3rd part of this awesome story! Right now I only have wat….2 comments? REVIEWWWW PEOPLE PLEASEE I LIKE THIS STORY SO REVIEWW! : ( cmooonnn I know you wubbles Sasunaru and the breakage of the 4th wall, its more fun that way! Please review more!

Sasu: Review or else no smut for you!

Naru: (Not necessary a bad thing"

Sasu: Shup up bish *pulls on chain connected to Naru's collar*

Yozu: Revieww! Pleaseee!

So it's the next day, and as you probably tell, it's extremely awkward…at least it is for me. I'm here blushing like an idiot, while this Basturd's carrying on the day like normal, as if nothing happen. Somehow I felt cheated, I went through one hell of a night trying to figure out the terms of my sexuality while this Basturd's just going along with his day.

"Hey Sasuke," I reached out to him, we were walking towards the law office district.

"Hn?" He looked back with a bored expression on his face.

I blushed, even looking bored, this man was hot. _Quick make up something!_

"Do you always have to answer like that when I call you?" I tried to look and sound mad.

"Why do I need to answer you any other way?"

Okay that actually pissed me off.

"Because I'd figured you have a bit more respect!" I said.

"For you? No thanks, and let go of my hand, you idiot. People will think that we're lovers or something." He snatched his hand away and started walking again.

Girls around us started to laugh at me.

_How dare that basturd make a fool of me! I'll show him_.

I stopped walking, and thought of the most depressing thing I could possibly remember.

Sasuke turned around when he heard me stopped walking.

"Naruto? Why did you stop-….what the hell are you crying?" He said in a surprised voice.

When I was sure enough people were looking, I raised my head to show everyone the streaming tears in my eyes and snot running down my nose.

"Sasuke, how could you,"

"How could I what?"

"Are you afraid of what everyone would say?"

"Afraid of what?" He nearly yelled.

"Afraid of saying that we really are together!" I yelled in a desperate voice. I have forcefully read enough yaoi manga from Sakura to know how to fake it. "Why would you want to hide it, Sasukin~! Are you ashamed of me, am I not a good enough lover to you. What have I done wrong Sasuke!"

"What-What the hell?" Sasuke just stood there stunned, then he got close and whispered, "What the hell is wrong with you, you moron!"

I grinned evilly, "Hey, I can let down a little shame, but can an Uchiha can?"

Around us some girls started to gasp in the horror that Uchiha might be gay, other girls started crying along with me, hoping the 2 lovers will make up.

"Oh Sasuke, why must you resent me so!" I cried louder. You could easily hear some guys laughing their asses off around us.

"So, you think you can play me, watch this," Sasuke grinned but then stepped back. "I'm sorry, you need to find this out this way, Naruto,"

"Huh?"

"But you were merely a minor interest, a curiosity of such,"

_What the hell was this guy doing!_

"Sorry, but," He looked back with a dead cold expression on his face. "I'm breaking up with you,"

"What the hell!" I yelled.

"That's it, after this mission we have nothing to do with each other." He started down the street again.

_Wait did this basturd just turn my own trick against me?_

"Wait, Sasuke-"

"Hurry up, you're wasting my time." He called back never looking at me.

I hurried behind him with a red face. Okay I know this was my joke but that still kinda hurt. I mean, even a fake rejection stings. It was a good thing I was already crying. Now no one can notice that I'm crying for real.

When we reached the apartment of the lawyer, I had finally stopped crying. I tried to be a quiet as possible to Sasuke wouldn't think I was for real, it seem to work. He didn't bug me the entire time. We rang the doorbell and he said for us to come all up. Here in Konoha, many lawyers have their own home office, so they live where they work.

"Mr. Ukesa, I assumed?" Sasuke asked looking up and down at his strange leopard print leather robe. Whether or not he was wearing underwear under that, I don't wanna know.

"Yes, That's me, oh my!" He gasped in a high pitched voice and tuttled over to me. "Your face is just terrible, what happened to you. Were you crying?"

"Umm, yeah, maybe," I said as he looked at my face. Sasuke still didn't look at me.

"Oh my, I can't have this, come, come the kitchen," He dragged my hand dragged me to the sink where he grabbed a rag and washed my face.

"A Shinobi must _always _look his best," He smiled as he wiped snot from my cheek.

Sasuke came in and lean on the door, "We came to ask you about the Tokiwa case."

"Oh yes, Kyou-kun~, oh I just feel awful about him. He was my favorite client." He said as he got a dry towel and wiped me dry.

"You knew him personally?"

"Why yes," He giggled. "Well, not that personally, he wouldn't let me get that close to him~, but we went to college together. He let me be his lawyer cause I graduated top in class." He looked at me lovely.

"There all better?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Good and don't let that mean boyfriend of yours bug you,"

I stood shocked, "How'd you find out about that?"

"Gay news travels fast around here," He crossed his arms. "You still look a bit pale, Ooh! I know!"

He grabbed my hand again and dragged me to his heart shaped themed bedroom. He went to his dresser and pulled out his make up bag.

"Wait no, no way! No makeup!"

"Oh c'mon, you'll look pretty!" He pushed me down on his bed and started putting blush on me.

"Sasuke help!"

"No, revenge on you for earlier," he replied leaning on the door again. "Back to the Tokiwa, you were helping him change his will?"

"Yes, that's right, though I was totally against it, Kyou-kun, should have never been with that whore in the first place. Changing his will for that stripper of his! Disgusting!" He huffed with angry as he applied eyeliner on me.

"You didn't like his mistress I guess,"

"I don't understand how Kyou-Kun could like women at all!" he finally stopped pinning Naruto to the bed. "There all pretty,"

I instantly hopped up and look into the brightly lit mirror, "Oh gawd, I look like a girl!"

"Well, I was going for a pretty boy, but I can fix that if you want?"

"God, no thanks! Sasuke are we done here!" I turned back to see him avoiding my face.

"Almost, obviously where were you at 3:23 pm that day?"

"Oh that's simple," Mr. Ukesa smiled. "I was 'visting' a friend, he lives down the hall at Room 69. He can vouch for me, he better or else, we'll have to play police woman again," He mumbled the last part.

"Good, now let's get out of here!" I ran out the door as quick as I could with Sasuke walking calmly behind me.

"Dammit!" I yelled as I look in a pond at my new girly face. "That fruity basturd, I should've punch him and knock out a few of those pink grills out of his face!"

"No, punching the suspects" Sasuke said, then he took his foot and kick my head into the water. "Wash your face again,"

I coughed and gaged, "Are…you trying…to kill me…?"

"I'm starting to think you really are gay, first you pull that stunt in the street, now you look like a girl, what will you do next?"

"Hey shut up! I only did that cause -…hey is your face red?" I blinked and rubbed the water out my eyes to get a better look.

"I'm fine," he tried to hide his face.

"No, you're not, you definitely are red!" I giggled.

"Shut up, Naruto!" He whipped around and grabbed my arm and drew my closer. "Cut it out,"

I was too close to the his face again, "Sasuke…..," I blush again.

His face with redder, "Uh never mind!" I'm going to tell Tsunade what we found, kay? Go home or something,"

"But its like late lunch!" I screamed.

"Alright fine, just come with me so we can report our findings to the Hokage,"

I smiled, "Okay!"

Sasuke faced went red again and tried to hide.

The way to the Hokage building was more then interesting. Naruto loved attention, but due do his earlier mega failed attempt to shame Sasuke, everyone was whispering about their secret love affair spread. Rumors about how I must have seduced Sasuke in order to hit him up.

I almost burst out laughing, this was started to be amusing. So the basturd had turned the tables on him. So what? Naruto could do the same, all he had to do is wait for the chance.


End file.
